Being a parent is a full-time job, where the payment is their success and their character, who they turn out to be in their personality! You know that feeling when your kids are successful at something and you light up because you feel a sense of accomplishment yourself, yup, that’s us saying “okay, we did something good!” But how do we truly set our kids up for success, to enter a world where there are so many influencers, a lot is out of their control, and my goodness, the stress the outside world puts on us these days is bigger than I have ever experienced. Many nights I think about how I could have said that differently, could I have made a different decision, and what if I didn’t do enough? This is the normal “anxious parent mind,” we all have it, and please, when that mind comes to the forefront, just let it come and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can, and then let it pass!
I am going to lay out some of the tips I have learned from my own experience, not only as a parent but as an educator and as a Principal. I am a very reflective person, so I have learned through mistakes as well as reading a ton of research!
Successful parents listen to their kids. When I say listen, it doesn’t mean do what they want; it means allow them some voice in decision-making and working through emotions. For example, your child makes a poor decision. Do we continue with consequences right away, or do we take a minute to listen to why that decision was made and how they would do it differently next time, before just shutting them down with a consequence? Consequences are important and need to be there to help teach our kids right from wrong, but you know what else teaches them right from wrong? The ability to learn from their mistakes. When they see we recognize mistakes are normal, and poor decision-making is going to happen, they are more apt to invest in the learning, instead of rebelling because we don’t listen.
Successful parents play with their kids. I have learned through reading and also trialing it that 10 minutes of purposeful play is more valuable than 30 minutes of distracted play, meaning working at the same time as playing a game with our kids (we are distracted). Be international in how you spend time with your kids. We all live very busy lives, but taking a small chunk of time on your busy days to connect should not be hard if it means raising your kids to see value in connection. Believe me, this one I work on daily, as my busy life can get the worst of me at times.
Successful parents admit when they are wrong to model honesty, authenticity, and integrity to their kids. It is so hard as parents, the ones who are in charge, to say “I was wrong, I am sorry!” Remember, raising kids to be successful and have great character traits takes us modelling it. We are in charge of molding our kids’ brains, sounds scary,y doesn’t it? However, if we just look at the character traits we want for our kids, we just need to help them understand the value and importance of those traits and be there to help them filter in the good information and filter out the bad!
A successful parent doesn’t mean a perfect parent. There are no perfect parents because we make mistakes too. It is what we choose to do when we make those mistakes as parents that matters; that is what our kids will remember.
What has been the biggest challenge for me as a parent? I would have to say teaching our kids to value hard work and see the benefit of pushing past their comfort zone to excel at something.
The advice I give myself daily is to keep reflecting, but don’t be hard on yourself. If you are doing the best you can with the resources you have, and you are being consistent with the things above (communication, listening, intentional time, modelling honesty), you are doing amazing!
Remember, my blog posts are here to make you think and reflect. I am not a parenting expert; I am a wellness coach, a Principal, and a mom who does her homework!
As always, thank you for reading, and please leave me a comment or reach out if you enjoy my writing! I would love to connect with my readers.
Mich
Parenting for the future: How to prepare our kids for the big world!
